wistyaries

Sorry buds, I’ve been MIA due to a lot of things.  Mainly finishing up the school year, field trips, my uncle being diagnoised with cancer, ulcer/gull issues, and a total emotional need for quick, comfort food has had me in a black hole.  I’m finished Friday, so I’ll be back after this weekend.  Thanks for the updates!

This week has been bad - not food wise - just stress and job wise.  I’ll catch ya up on the weekend.

Its been a pretty good week - but also kinda blah.  With wonderful weddings and showers coming up, we didn’t have enough money to visit my mom.  We’ll go in a couple of weekends, but I’m still bummed and annoyed.  As a child, I saw my mother as fat, too accepting, and defeated by the grind.  Now - I see what a spoiled, ungrateful brat I was and embrace a mother from the generation of: I will work all day, maintain my home and children, have dinner on the table by six, be involoved in clubs and church, keep my house clean, and all with a smile.  What a woman!  And though I will give gifts and call, and that will be all she’ll want because she is wonderful, I still selfishly want a hug and to be merely in her presence.

My mother-in-law is in town - so I’ll make the most of that and be happy for my husband:) 

Now on to something different - I’m feeling blue because it seems that as much as I work for things - clean house, good relationships, nice appearance - there is always something not quite right.  As for the house, we get it clean, and then the dog vommits or there is another clump of hair.  History: My husband’s ex got the dog against my husband’s wishes and when she realized what an effort it was  (and their relationship was falling apart) she left Clover - the ever nervous, anti-social black sheding machine balck lab with my husband.  We have given it our best shot, but we are both cat people and can’t possibly love Clover as much as she loves us, so we are looking for a home that would be better for her.  My husband just wants to put her down and be done with it, but I can’t live with that.  So anyway, great husband with the not quite right dog and financial history.  This also makes me feel like a failure because we don’t want the dog.

Good job - tough job and the not quite right are the people I work with.  Friday some coworkers went out and I wasn’t invited.  I’ve gone out before and have enjoyed myself and now wonder why I wasn’t invited and feel hurt - and not quite right.

I have that feeling about a lot of things and then wonder if I can be truly happy with good enough - nothing can be perfect.  But when you work, sacrifice, and try - shouldn’t something be great without any oops attached?

 -2 lbs this week.  I’m going to continue eating the way I am and trying to get to the gym 3-4 times a week.  It’s rainy and I have a lot of work to do at school before the week starts.  We will have guests for lunch and I would like to go to the gym around 1, but that probably won’t happen because that will be the time folks show up:0 

This past week we ate out more, I worked out less, but again, I’m really proud of my eating during school.  Having those fiber one bars, almonds, and fruit handy is the key.  But now for exercise.  I ran again, this time only for 20 minutes.  My legs had that good burn, but my knees were still achy for a couple of days after.  I’m also not doing well with getting to the gym at night, so buddies, my goals for this week are:

Sunday - Cardio 1 hour

Monday - Body Pump 6 am class (Lord give me the strength…)

Tuesday - walk

Wednesday - Body Pump 6 am class/training cardio at 7:00 p.m.

Thursday - walk

Friday - BodyPump 6 am class

Saturday - gardening/relax

So there it is.  I’m too (insert any excuse here) at the end of the day.  I’ve got to get it done in the a.m. 

I’ve been a part of this site for 14 days.  I sit reading blogs and thinking until I’m almost late for work.  I love that my home page has a start up day so I can remember that my extra weight didn’t come on over night and it’s not going to be gone over night too.   But, I’m getting lazy.  I’m getting bogged down.  I went to sleep in my work out clothes and slept right through the 6 am class.  I have training tonight, and the last time with lunges/running my legs and knees hurt for 4 days (you know, the I can’t get my butt low enough on the toilet without bracing myself because my knees and thighs are shaking) hurt.  I have a knee brace, and I’m hoping that if we just focus on running, I’ll be ok.  I dunno.  I’ve been great with my diet - and now I’m getting lazy with exercise - which is the one thing that really kicks up weight loss.  Motivation, please?

Well, the title has to do with my job, my weight (Grr…), and exercising.  I’m very proud of myself because one of my co-workers got very mean personally to me - and I didn’t do the same back.  Of course, I have the words still ringing in my ears and you know what?  i’m not letting it get to me.  i know those personal attacks about my professionalism came out because the other person felt that she didn’t do enough and she couldn’t take responsibility for it, so she lashed out.   I’ve assessed what I did and it was valid, logical, and ethical.

 My weight stayed the same this week.  I worked out 2, instead of the 5 times planned.  I can make the excuse that work had me so freakin’ exhausted that when I hit rush hour traffic due to wonderful Michigan construction, I couldn’t deal with moving 1/2 a mile in 10 minutes and turned around.  I also can tell you that because my husband and I are going to therapy on Tuesday, I miss my bodypump class.  I had friends come into town and we went out Friday night.  But again, it would be just an excuse because instead of eating dinner with my husband, I could have gone to the gym late enough to combat traffic.  I could have gotten out of bed early (eww!).  I could have been better prepared with workout gear in the car so ater work I don’t come home and get that “can’t move or leave the sanctuary of my house again” feeling.  But I didn’t.  I’ll tell you what I did though - I ate breakfast every day, stayed on track at school with cashews and granola bars, and tracked everything I’ve done for the past two weeks on here.

 So rockstars, I feel like this week was more about victories rather than that stingy weight.  It was more about learning how to deal with the toxic people and controlling what I could and having realistic priorities.  The motivation honeymoon of exercising daily has worn off and it will take planning, gumption, and your support to make my weight budge.  This week I want to:

Keep up good eats

Work out 3 times

Keep head up at work and give them nothing to complain abut

Have a good one!  I’m going to

i hate some of the people i work with.  they are fake, opinionated, and rude.  the rest have mini dramas that are hugely overrated and can’t shut up about other people.  rockstars-please keep your fingers crossed for a transfer I put in for.  these people suck out my energy - yes because i let them because i’m not snotty enough to say the things that go through my head or the things that come out in every possible conversation all night long in my mind.  because i always think i could be better i take every issue as a result of my inaction or incompetence.  yet i have never had a negative review - God give me the strength to be witty, wonderful, and compassionate tomorrow!

Today has been one of those get up, work, meeting, workout, and finally sitting down at 7:30 pm - about 13 hours after I started this day.  I’m not sure if I like my trainer - she wants me to do these lunges, then squats, and crunches, and I said, “no.  I want to be a runner.”  I do all of those other things in a fun class called bodypump where I don’t have to hear other people and walk around or be walked around to get to a piece of equipment.  I’m picky, I guess.  She did help though - here are things that I’ve kinda heard, but actually listened to: heal to ball to toe, breath in 3 counts breath out 3 counts in time with foot strike (this should go to 4 in and out 4 when endurance is built), and start with interval - I did 2 minutes at 3.5 with an incline of 1% and 1 minute at 5.0 with 1% too.  This got my heart rate up to around 163 and let it recover to about 145.  I am now going to help with yard work and hang out with my husband.

finish Grad class, maintain 4.0, finish artifact collection

Why these are health goals is because I have procrastinated once again and am now stressed.  I took tomorrow off, so as long as I don’t get too distracted (shiny objects do it sometimes), I should be fine. So anyway - workout T/TH/SUN Bodypump Class.  Personal Training M/TH/F, Intro to RPM on Sat.  Any day with body pump, do 30 min of cardio.  Off days, 1 hour of cardio.  Get Personal trainer to teach me to be a runner (insert lara’s list on why she wants to be a runner here:)  Eat every 3 hours trying to be around 1700 *healthy* cals/day.  Drink more water.  That should do it! 

We finally have a little bit of extra money to do some healthy shopping.  This week I would like to have almonds, apples, natural peanut butter, and koshi bars for snacking.  I think this will help as I believe I have been eating too little to fuel my body for the exercising I’ve been doing.  Besides a few days of light merriment, I’ve been around 1500 calories a day, doing an estimated 500 cals of exercise most days.  My calories have not always been the most healthy of choices - a lot of high sodium processed lean cuisine type things.  SO, I’m going to aim for 1700 cal of lean meats and nuts and fruits.  I think this formula will have the pounds melting - and if not, at least I’m tweaking every week. 

Yesterday my husband’s father went to emergency after fainting.  We are on the other side of the state, so we were glued to our cells and joined his brother at a local restaurant to be together.  I’m proud to say, even when pointedly tempted, I pretty much stopped munching and drinking at the just before hurtingly full.  I didn’t exercise, but I did stay in my calorie range.  So basically, as with a lot of things, it could have been better, but it also could have been a lot worse.

PS - My father-in-law is back home today felling great and waiting to watch the red wings kick butt!